Let’s have a lunch and learn!
“Cross-pollinate”
“Learnings” - you’re not fucking Borat!
Effectuate
I’m going to effectuate this pole right up the ass of the next person to use that word.
I can’t think of a sentence in which it doesn’t sound heavy handed.
Please effectuate the reports. Accounting will effectuate the invoice. HR has effectuated the hire.
“double click” to mean “focus on” or “explore in more depth”
I had a manager who at the end of every meeting (and I mean EVERY meeting) said “go team!” It was especially annoying since he wasn’t actually present in 99.9% of those meetings.
Sometimes I say this in a glib or sarcastic or ironic kind of way. It’s not an “every meeting” kind of thing.
I’m not a manager but maybe a supervisor I guess.
War room
You’re a Karen and you’re going to talk to Pete from accounting about what gift to buy for Sally’s birthday
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Should you have any further inquiries or require additional insights into our visionary pursuits, please do not hesitate to connect with us. Together, let’s pioneer new paradigms and redefine excellence!
“We’re family”
Unrelated but I only recently realised that when someone says they believe in family values it means they want to impose their definition of “family” on everyone else.
From an employer I guess when they refer to family they’re really referring to a bond beyond work, which basically means they’re expecting more from you than you’re paid for?
“It doesn’t scale”, meaning the company might have to (shudder) hire people if our business doubles.
What’s our North Star?
This phrase is currently running riot at my work. Leadership have just created a new “North Star” so that they can Kingdom Build and leave their mark; years of progress on other projects are being thrown on a mini-bonfire of the vanities.
It’s just a bullshit saying for something they’ll never achieve.
I’ve even heard people say it’s never achievable but we should use that as our direction. I can’t stand corporate fucking bullshit.
I’ve never heard it in a corporate context, but I had thought in a personal context it’s not necessarily something to be achieved but what is meaningful or what has value for you.
For example…
Uh…
Yeah actually IDK what my north star is. Maybe enough internet for me.
- Holistic
- Double Click
- Table Stakes
- Jump Ball
- Blocking & Tackling
That they treat you like “family”
They do, the family just happens to be dysfunctional and abusive.
Touch base
Ping: emailing someone
Revert: emailing someone
[Topic] came up on diary: I’m emailing someone
Signs you work in a bullshit email job.
One company I worked for decided it was a good idea to name a bunch of firings due to performance “Project Panda” 🤦
I mean that one is kinda funny. “Project Sloth” might have worked a bit better but been too on the nose.
