My mom peaked in my room and left me with the American Girl book about hygiene and female anatomy. I don’t think it said anything about sex. Just had to navigate that part of life armed with (mis)information from whispered conversations with friends over sleepovers.
I think back on how many experiences I had growing up that could have gone wrong. This was all happening just as AIM chatrooms and chat roullette were popular. And there were so many creeps that my friends and I talked to because we were curious. No normal adult was giving us the information, but plenty of adults online were happy to talk and ask for favors in return. Shivers down my fucking spine.
I am so thankful that I was too nervous to do anything and usually ended conversations quickly. But the risk of genuine harm was right there, and our parents had no idea. We laughed whenever we saw a penis appear on chat roullete and clicked away, but we were not mature enough to know how fucked up it was. It was our parents’ job to guard us from that. Not by putting blinders on us. But by affording us the respect of an important conversation.
I am so passionate about people having this discussion with their kids. Kids are curious. The fact that the subject is taboo makes it even more exciting for kids. It is such a crucial moment in the transition to adulthood. Ignoring the conversation endangers them by making the subject seem exotic and inticing.
Have the conversation with your kids or someone else will. And you will have no control over how and when that happens.
I didn’t reflect on all of this until my 20’s. I coach girls from around 8-18 years old, and the standards for interacting with kids nowadays means you have to take a lot of abuse training courses. That coupled with watching the girls I coach try to navigate social media and coming of age made me realise how abnormal my own upbringing was.
Its crazy how protective I feel about these kids that aren’t even my own. But looking back on the dangers lurking in the corners, I know how important it is to keep kids in the loop. Not to scare them, or try to keep them isolated. But safety starts with communicating freely with the safe adults in your life. I think things are trending towards more quality information about sex being readily available. Most (non religious) parents seem to realize they need to raise confident kids that they have an open dialogue about important things with.