What does someone have to do that means no amount of remorse or effort to fix things will get you to forgive them? I don’t mean forgive and forget to the point where they can hurt you again. If someone repeatedly steals from you, forgiveness doesn’t mean putting them in a position where they can steal again.
I’m asking this purely out of curiosity. I’m just wondering what the attitude in my corner of the internet is.
That time my cousin and aunt made a scene the first night in the funeral home after my mom died. That’s irreparable because
- My mom died that fucking day, 2 years after my dad and they were supposed to all be close.
- It was due to my personal life (my soon-to-be-wife). To add some context: she is a foreigner so there is a lot of racism and a bit of classism.
- Her only living sister.
- It’s been 6 months and they haven’t contacted me, apologized or anything,
Don’t get me wrong. They are forgiven, but it hurts and it will hurt for the rest of my life so I don’t be able to ever open the door for them to come back into my life.
If people are truly sorry and have taken steps to make sure that what they did will never happen again, they are eligible for forgiveness of anything.
Granting forgiveness isn’t about them, it’s about you letting go of the hurt. It doesn’t mean things necessarily just go back to the way they were, it means things can move onto the next thing. It’s about taking that weight off your soul.
I see a lot of people letting their trauma define them. Let the shit drop and grow flowers. Easier said than done, but I think it’s still easier than not doing it.
It’s not about “forgiveness”, it’s about whether the mistakes can be undone.
Consider you accidentally insult somebody. That can be undone by apologizing.
What if you murder somebody? That can never be undone.
An apology doesn’t undo what you said any more than it brings someone back to life.
Never.
Matthew 18:21-35
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times. “Therefore the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his servants. When he began to settle, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. And since he could not pay, his master ordered him to be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made. So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt. But when that same servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii, and seizing him, he began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay what you owe.’ So his fellow servant fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ He refused and went and put him in prison until he should pay the debt. When his fellow servants saw what had taken place, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their master all that had taken place. Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers,until he should pay all his debt. So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
So that means everyone goes to heaven, right?
Nope. The servant begged for mercy.
So the servant fell on his knees, imploring him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ And out of pity for him, the master of that servant released him and forgave him the debt.
The parable also comes with a stark warning:
So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
